Archive for June, 2009
Am I Going to Hell?
My adolescent cousin is so acne-laden, fat and disgusting that at dinners when he’s around i have to pretend i’m not hungry just to prevent myself from hurling it all up.
What Was I Thinking?
I was so hungover today I took a nap under my desk
Can You Explain This to Me?
Dear ears and nose: Please stop growing hair inside of you. It’s really tiresome and painful to keep pulling hair out of you. Thanks - The Rest of Your Body
Am I Weird?
My girlfriend asked how we could improve our sex life. I simply responded with “beef jerkey”. She asked me how would we incorporate it? I said “any way you want”.
Can You Explain This to Me?
Why am I unable to get the smell of tequila off my breath after drinking a margarita at lunch today. I have been avoiding my boss for three hours.
Am I Weird?
I got an apartment on the 19th floor of this building downtown and I cant wait to ask college girls if they want to join the 19th floor club.
Am I Weird?
I’ve gotten hard watching Golden Girls.
What Happened Last Night?
Made out with a co worker last night. She’s 40. I’m 22. Oops.
What is Wrong With Me?
In the past 24 hours I’ve broken up with my live-in girlfriend and found out i have to move across the country within the week, and all i can think about is MJ.
Can You Explain This to Me?
If my boyfriend takes 45 minute showers, is he masturbating in there? Or is there something else guys do in there for that long?
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