Archive for May, 2009
Am I Weird?
You know when you’re walking in flip-flops and your flip-flop “farts”? I feel like I have to explain to whomever I’m walking with that it wasn’t me…it was my flip flop
Am I an Idiot?
I thought UMASS Amherst was in Boston and I made my dad drive me there for a college visit my senior year in high school. We drove all around boston before driving back to connecticut.
Can You Explain This to Me?
My sister and all her friends were over the house the other night and we watching this show called The Real Housewives of NY. I watched it for about 2 minutes and thought I was going to have a panic attack. How to girls watch this stuff?
Does Anyone Else Do This?
Are you ever in line somewhere, and fart? You’re then left with the decision of whether to pretend like nothing is wrong or turn around and pretend to smell it and say “What is that smell?”
What Happened Last Night?
So I got wasted last night and woke up with two double stuffed oreos in my bra. Of course, I needed breakfast…. yuuuummmmmmmmm
What Was I Thinking?
My wife is out of town, and I cooked some roast beef we had in the fridge. It tasted funny. It turns out, we bought it three months ago… I’m feeling sick today. I might die.
Am I an Idiot?
So, I heard you can light a fart on fire. I tried it but was bare assed at the time. I burned my asshole.
What Was I Thinking?
I told some guy that I wanted to get a degree in finance. We went on a date. The guy intellectually masturbated to me. Seriously, he had to keep trying to prove to me that he was really smart. When the date was over, I told him that it was okay to run to his bus.
What Was I Thinking?
A couple years ago, I had sex with a girl I met at a bar. She was cheating on her boyfriend at the time. I dated her for a year, until she had cheated on me with a guy she met at a bar. Should have seen that one coming I suppose.
Am I Going to Hell?
Last weekend I has sex with a guy my friend hooked up with a couple months ago… in her bed. I washed the sheets, but didnt tell her.
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